GrowerGuy

I keep writing.

I do not know if anyone reads or cares, but I keep trying. I will do so until I am told by those that matter that I should stop, or until circumstance renders me unable.

The job is just that in ways so far; a job in several negative senses of the word. When I become more proficient in all aspects of it, it will be better, since I will operate more or less independently of much of the rest of the staff. At that point I will be in the office some few hours each week, and the rest of the time I will be in the woods doing my own thing. I have already met a few snakes, a bear, some smaller gators, and enough mosquitos to airlift a truck. The office has politics of course, but I see myself as enough of an outsider to avoid much of that. The kids finally have a good sized yard to play in, free of the concerns of too many neighbors. The rent on our site is only $58 per month, and I hope the electric will be quite low also.

There is some small chance I may be moving back that way, as kind of an insult to all the effort to get here. I was interviewed by phone about a lab position I had applied for with an entomology lab. I would get to play with plants and bugs all day, it would mean a 8000 per year raise, and the benefits would likely be better. There is also the fact that finding a place to make our own would be cheaper and easier up there. With that and the extra money, we could line up a spot for us in just a year or two more. That idea alone makes me sure I would likely jump on that job were it offered. My feelings at jumping out of a job I just started are a little sore, but opportunity does not wait, right?

I hope things are ok with you, and whilst there is much I might wish to say, the lingering silence from all I care for worries me deeply. So much of me worries that I keep my vigil of love and devotion for no reason, especially as I write letters to an unresponsive computer screen, but I promised. I dream still, and while some of those dreams pain me oddly, at least it is a way to hear and see you once more. I fear you will or do see my devotion in ugly ways like some in your past. I am no terrible stalker, but I fear perhaps that you see me that way?

So many years we spent building a friendship, and that seems to slowly be disappearing. You called me “still one of a kind” and I fear myself uniquely a fool. A hopeless romantic? The “good guy” who even loses friendship? I miss you. Sorry for my worries. Know that it is merely my bizarre way of keeping you in my mind at times? Please think better of me than I think of myself? Please know that it is my love and madness you still impassion? I long everyday for some word. I always will, so long as needed silence remains.

im-trying-to-be-brave:

Lets just all appreciate this.. 👭🌈#vajected #lesbian #lesbianproblems #cockblock #lesbian #lesbiansofinstagram #lezbehonest #rainbowsfordays

im-trying-to-be-brave:

Lets just all appreciate this.. 👭🌈#vajected #lesbian #lesbianproblems #cockblock #lesbian #lesbiansofinstagram #lezbehonest #rainbowsfordays

(via mermaidtittiezzz)

Trash can raider. Fun times in our new place. :)

Trash can raider. Fun times in our new place. :)

Forward or sideways?

My first week of work is behind me, and while there are some aspects of the job I would rather be different, there are too those sign which are more hopeful. The just of the job is that I will be doing the legwork of exterminating exotic invasive plants within an area of several tens of thousands of acres. I will function rather independently in this pursuit, which suits me fine, and my most immediate supervisor is another goofy biology buff. It would seem that I have found a nice little niche for myself to get a restart on life quite by luck.

I am not very talkative online these days merely due to the relative isolation we are presently in. We have already had a bear raiding our garbage, which I nonchalantly reported to Sarah and the kids before walking out in shorts and brandishing a tennis shoe as my weapon of choice. In case you cannot gather, he was rather a small specimen of ursine stock, and I felt little threat from him. Indeed, he was rather taken aback by the nutty human and ran off pretty quickly. I would guess him at 150-175lbs tops, and fairly young. Pictures soon.

I sorrow at what you have been enduring without me. Do not think that this soul doubts in your strength, resilience, or ability to cope. Rather, I merely wish that we could be more the friends I feel us to be, instead of what circumstance forces. Those losses you endure pain me all the more for my inability to comfort at all. My greatest wish is always to give the love you have earned from me. I will further address your recent letters as circumstance allows. Please do not be angry that I am so short in writing right now? My circumstance is odd, and my general outlook strange as a consequence. You are missed. I still love you my Minxy ma’am. ;)
-yours

jadafitch:

Watercolor Illustration by Jada Fitch of the owls of the Northeast United States. Available on tees, totes and more. http://society6.com/jadafitch/owls-of-the-northeast_print#1=45

jadafitch:

Watercolor Illustration by Jada Fitch of the owls of the Northeast United States. Available on tees, totes and more. http://society6.com/jadafitch/owls-of-the-northeast_print#1=45

(via dendroica)

First few days have been hectic.

The disorganization one might expect from government is fully evident and makes my orientation rather scattered. I have already tromped through some rather deep swamps and ignored moccasins and alligators while working. Reliable internet access is 30 miles away until we can afford something else, so letters are being written and saved, while these short updates are pecked out on the phone. I am thinking of you. Always